You can’t escape you


If my life had a face
I would punch it right away

No, I would not feel bad
I would not feel anything

I am so out of love
Out of hate, empathy, joy and warmth
Out of any emotion
Inside me, something's broken
That can never be fixed
A void has been created 
That can never be filled
But one thing I know
You just can’t escape you
You are what you are
Mind, body and soul
Love, hate and indifference
All this angst and sarcasm 
All these layers on you
All of your masks and all your confessions
All of it is you

And, hey listen, you!
All that's done is done, 
whether it was or not all right
I don’t want throwback Thursdays, flashback Fridays 
I want fleeting moments, connections, conversations
Why do you want to freeze the time frames
Why do you want a grasp on your fate
People come for a reason and season
Orchestrated by time, place and space
Yes, some coincidences are more than coincidental 
But, mostly coincidences are just coincidences in life

Mind, you are a dangerous traveller
Moment, things don't go your way
You have someone ready to blame
You start connecting dots, crossing different wires
And at times, you blame me for every damn thing
Listen! Don’t haunt me
Don’t show me all these flashbacks
All those pleas and verdicts
Sermons and meltdowns
I am howling from inside
So just cut it all loose tonight

Maybe I am intellectually lazy tonight
or emotionally drained or rationally compromised 
But one thing I know,
I know all these thoughts are for a sad day or a sad story or say a lonely walk
But this ain’t my life

I just wanna drain out all of this from my system tonight
Maybe I am just tired, I can’t shout it all out
Loud and clear, using words, using my nouns, verbs, adjectives 
State what I want and how I feel
But if I can’t say, I'd write it all 
Because they say words are most potent when shared
Because you know what happens to those who keep it all inside?
They get old, angry and sad
And I don’t want to walk that road

I want to get it all out
If you see my brave face today, you should also see a shattered heart
I will put it out all there
If you see my infinite optimism 
You should also see my irrational pessimism
See the whole me
Because, you know what?
You don’t love me, but versions of me
Versions  you have construed in your minds
Versions I have spun for you
The easy parts of me, parts which are easy to love

Visit me on a cold night
Visit my fears
Visit my tears
My sadness, my distress
My hopelessness, my helplessness
My aching heart

And then you would know, you would see...

No.
Not what just came to your mind!

You might see what all is stated
But you'd also see, still, I fight
I fight because I can’t bear it otherwise
I fight because there ain't any other choice
And every night, when the lights are off and no one's by my side
My mom’s words echo in my mind
The only way is forward and you shall never look behind 

So go...go girl!
Go and keep up your fight
Until the dawn, until that ray of light
Be there and hold up really tight

Because you know
You can't escape you
Whatever they give you, whatever they say to you
only you can feel you, only you can free you

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